Pregnancy After Loss
Pregnancy after loss can be complicated.
You don’t have to navigate this season alone.
You may have waited, hoped, or prayed to be pregnant again, only to find yourself worried, anxious, or terrified when those two pink lines appear.
Where hope & fear co-exist
There is no “right” way to feel during a pregnancy after loss.
Pregnancy after loss is not simply a new pregnancy. You learning to love and hope for this new baby, while also carrying your love for the baby you lost. The pregnancy you are in now does not erase the baby or pregnancy you lost, and loving this baby does not mean loving or missing your baby who died any less.
You do not have to choose between grief and hope.
You can carry both.
You may find yourself:
🩷Feeling anxious before every appointment, ultrasound, or blood test
🩵Checking for symptoms or worrying when symptoms change
🩷Afraid to become attached to this baby
🩵Counting down to certain dates, weeks, or milestones
🩷Feeling like you are “holding your breath” until the next appointment
🩵Experiencing intrusive thoughts that something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy
🩷Unable to imagine bringing this baby home
🩵Avoiding buying things or planning a shower for this pregnancy
🩷Feeling triggered by other pregnant woman’s stories, social media, or baby showers
🩵Feeling guilty for not feeling happy enough… or feeling guilty for experiencing happiness
🩷Feeling disconnected from this pregnancy and baby
🩵Frustrated that others expect you to be excited
🩷Feeling understood by those the people around you who don’t understand why you are worried or scared
You may feel like you should be happy…
A positive pregnancy does not automatically bring happiness when you have experienced a loss.
People may say things like:
”Try to enjoy this pregnancy.” ”Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.” Or “You have to stay positive.”
While well-intentioned, these comments do not acknowledge your lived experience and can leave you feeling like you are navigating this pregnancy wrong.
You do not have to be positive all the time.
You can be excited and scared.
You can be grateful and sad.
You can be hopeful and afraid.
You can have hope for the future without forgetting about the past.
What can help?
Create a Support Plan
Who can you count on?
Who will support you the way you want to be supported?
How do you want to be supported?
Talk to your OB or Midwife
You’re emotional health is an important part of your pregnancy care. Being honest with your OB/midwife/medical team can help them support you and provide resources that may be helpful.
Work with a Therapist
You do not have to wait until things are unbearable to find support. Therapy can help you process your loss while developing tools to manage your anxiety during your current pregnancy.
Therapists with a PMH-C (perinatal mental health certification) have specialized training in working with woman who are pregnant and postpartum.
Set Boundaries
You are allowed to mute social media, decline invitations to events (like baby showers or parties), limit pregnancy conversations, and ask people not to repeatedly check in.
Do what feels best for you.
Find People who Understand
Connecting with other parents who have experienced pregnancy after loss can provide comfort and validation.
There are many support groups for pregnancy after loss (links below).
Find Ways to Honor Your Baby
Parents find many different ways to honor the baby they lost. You might say their name, keep a memory box, light a candle, wear a piece of jewelry, or create some other comforting, meaningful ritual.
There is no right or wrong way to remember and honor your baby.
Take each day one moment at a time.
You do not need to figure out how to navigate the entire pregnancy today.
Pregnancy After Loss Resources
Below are some resources that may be helpful in finding support and knowing you are not alone. This list is not exhaustive and resources can change over time. If you have found a resource that has been helpful for you, please email ashleyp@findyouranchorli.com to recommend an addition.
Additional Support
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline - 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) - Call or Text, Available 24/7 or chat at https://mchb.hrsa.gov/net/mchb-web-chat/chat.html
Postpartum Support International Helpline - 1-800-944-4773 - Call or Text, Available 8am-11pm EST in English and Spanish
Star Legacy Foundation National Telephone Support Line (for pregnancy or infant loss) - 952-715-7731 ext. 1 - Call or Text
988 - Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
National Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call or text 988, call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room.
Support Groups & Communities
Please click the name of the organization for a direct link to their website.
Star Legacy Foundation (952-715-7731) offers virtual support groups and resources for families who have experienced pregnancy loss or neonatal death, including a support group specifically for pregnancy after loss.
Return to Zero: Hope - Return to Zero: Hope offers support and connection for parents who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or child, offering a support group specifically for pregnancy after loss.
Postpartum Support International offers virtual support groups for pregnancy after loss as well as pregnancy after stillbirth and early infant loss.
Websites & Podcasts
The Pregnancy After Loss Podcast - Hosted by a birth and bereavement doula, this focuses on helping parents navigate pregnancy after loss with personal stories, conversations, and support.
Finding Hope After Loss Podcast - A podcast about infertility, pregnancy and infant loss, parenting after loss, pregnancy after loss, and grief.
Books
Please note, the links below are for books listed on Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Pregnancy After Loss: A Day-By-Day Plan to Reassure and Comfort You By Zoe Clark-Coates - A day-by-day guide created specifically for pregnancy after loss that helps to address fear, pregnancy milestones, appointments, grief, and other emotions that come with being pregnant again.
Trying Again By Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman - Published in 2000 (so a little older). This book offers facts regarding pregnancy after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss to help parents determine if they are emotionally ready to try for another pregnancy. It also offers advice about preparing and planning for a pregnancy after loss.
Healing From the Trauma of Pregnancy Loss: Reclaiming Your Reproductive Story By Dr. Janet Jaffe PhD - This book explores pregnancy loss as a reproductive trauma and includes a section specifically regarding pregnancy after loss.
Rebirth: The Journey of Pregnancy After Loss By Joey Miller, LCSW, MSW - Written by a therapist who has worked with pregnancy after loss, this book offers a compassionate approach to the emotional, psychological, and physical challenges that can come with pregnancy after loss.
If there are any other resources that you or someone you know have found helpful, please email Ashley at ashleyp@findyouranchorli.com.
My goal is to continue to expand on these resources in hopes of helping other parents navigating pregnancy after loss.